


Let me kiss your demons away

by BlueRacoonSoul



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Body Worship, Comfort Sex, Emotionally Hurt Castiel, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Castiel, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 10:49:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6750979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueRacoonSoul/pseuds/BlueRacoonSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean might not be good in talking about his feelings, but he is sure as hell he can show them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let me kiss your demons away

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. My story's "soundtrack": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF3XjEhJ40Y
> 
> 2\. Every kind of feedback is truly appreciated :)

Dean couldn’t believe in his own forsaken luck. 

He became so accustomed to the fact that he was always going to lose somebody dear to him that he had to take a double check before he run across the cold chamber to wrap his arms around Cas. The sound of his heavy steps echoed all around them, effectively covering Dean’s small whimper once he pressed Cas’ head to his chest. He breathed Castiel in, feeling the mix of relief and longing exploding somewhere deep in his guts. He couldn’t help but sob when he realized that Cas finally smelled like _Cas_ – it was a familiar combination of violent summer rainstorm, apples and old book pages. It was an addictive and incredibly calming scent that Dean missed like nothing in the world. It took him a few seconds before he was able to open his eyes again, noticing Sam standing right beside them. He smiled indulgently as he placed a hand on Cas’ shoulder, giving him a slight squeeze, eyes locked with Dean’s. They didn’t talk much about it, but in this certain moment Dean was sure they didn’t have to, because Sam already _knew_. And he was grateful for that.  
  
Castiel whimpered slightly and started to pull out. He could stand on his own, but he looked dreadfully. _He must be exhausted_ , Dean thought as he placed his palms on either side of Cas’ face in order to assure him that everything was okay and that he was safe now. They will probably have to deal with Lucifer in his new vessel at some point, but it didn’t matter in that moment. Not when Cas leaned into his touch, letting his heavy eyelids fall for a second before he opened his eyes again and slowly moved his gaze from Dean’s face to Sam. The younger Winchester smiled softly and nodded, as if he was trying to say that he was happy to see him too. Castiel’s tired face dropped when he seemed to realize something, but before he was able to even open his mouth, Dean pulled him closer to his own body. He knew what Cas must have felt – he was probably blaming himself and wanting to apologize for being a burden to them. Dean knew it, because he often felt the same way too. He promised himself to assure Cas that none of these auto-accusations were true and to assure him that he was loved and wanted. This conversation was long overdue and Dean didn’t want to hide his screaming heart from Cas any longer. He could only curse himself for holding it back for so long. 

***

Castiel wasn’t sure where all of this was heading off to. He knew he had to face the consequences of his choices and he wished it would be over already; that they would tell him what they would do with him and what damage did Lucifer actually cause. Cas felt that the Winchesters were holding their rage back, because he knew he looked terribly. They probably thought he was exhausted, so they were sparing him for today, but the truth was entirely different. He was just beyond caring about anything anymore. He wasn’t tired, he wasn’t feeling down, he wasn’t even depressed or anxious. He just didn’t care at all. He was empty. All he wanted was to sit in a corner, alone, not able to hurt anyone. Maybe if they locked him up in the Bunker’s dungeon the world would finally be a safer place?  
  
His train of thoughts was interrupted by a warm hand covering his fist. Castiel turned his head from the Impala’s window to meet a pair of green eyes watching him carefully. The angel didn’t understand why he saw warmth and fondness instead of anger and disappointment in his eyes, but it felt pleasant. He knew he didn’t deserve this and that he will have to pay for every little happy minute he’d got, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. It felt so _right_ to look into these two sparkling emeralds, so full of human kindness, patience and rightness that it made Cas’ heart skip a few bits. Even if Dean was only pitying him, not meaning it in any way, Cas was ready to save this moment in his memory forever, because these moments were the only little things that made him feel whole again. He risked unclenching his fist and interlocking his fingers with Dean’s, expecting him to throw his hand away and yell at him, but he certainly didn’t expect a small smile blooming on Dean’s lips.  
  
Castiel knew he must look dumb, not quite believing or understanding what was happening, but his mind couldn’t comprehend why would Dean want to hold hands with him while sitting together on the backseat of the car on the way to the Bunker. He knew humans held hands as a gesture of romantic affection, but it just wasn’t possible. It was against every rule Dean had ever made, starting from the personal space issue and finishing at the “no chick-flick moments” agreement.  
The older Winchester, almost like he was sensing his inner monologue, lifted his free hand and cupped the angel’s face once again. He slid his thumb along Cas’ cheekbone, and as crazy as it was, Castiel understood what Dean wanted to say: _home_. He felt warmth spreading pleasantly out of his heart and his stomach flipped a couple of times, making him feel dizzy. It was unbelievable what Dean was able to do with him – one single touch, one fond smile and one look into his eyes were able to fill him up with hope all over again. He knew he was probably going to crash critically, but it didn’t matter. He snuggled a little closer to Dean, laying his head on his shoulder and gasping quietly when he felt Dean’s other hand in his hair. He knew he was going to suffer - he always did anytime something good happened to him - but this moment was too precious to be interrupted by the sad reality. He didn’t care if it was a dream or not, the only thing that mattered to Castiel was the smell of Dean’s skin and his characteristic aftershave, which Cas loved so much that he curled up impossibly closer, his nose accidentally touching the crook of Dean’s neck.  
  
If Cas didn’t close his eyes, letting himself daydream about having this more often, he would notice Dean’s scarlet-red cheeks and Sam’s huge grin visible in the rear-view mirror. 

***

The drive took a little longer than they expected, but once they finally arrived in the Bunker, Dean breathed a sigh of relief. They were all home. He felt the weight of the last few weeks full of worrying and researching being lifted from his shoulders. He suddenly felt a lot lighter – he could finally breathe without his lungs trembling from anxiety and his head spinning from the caffeine overdose. _Cas was safe and alive_ , back home with him. It was the only thing that currently mattered.  
  
Sam didn’t waste any time; he tossed the car keys and the bag on the table, explaining that he would unpack it tomorrow, because he was too tired to even think properly. They exchanged good-nights and Sam disappeared in his room, probably throwing himself onto the bed right away. Dean laughed slightly under his breath, before he turned around to find Castiel staying still in the middle of the room, watching his own feet, clearly not wanting to look him in the eye. He felt a sting in his heart, but he quickly reminded himself about Cas’ vulnerable state.  
He took a few steps forward, standing right in front of the angel and lifting his face. Cas’ eyes were full of guilt and sadness. He knew this state too well and he knew that Cas’ didn’t deserve to feel like this. It was heart-breaking to watch someone who was _everything_ feeling like _nothing_  
  
“Cas, listen to me. You don’t have to apologize for what you did. You just tried to help and I appreciate that. Neither me or Sam are mad.” - Dean said, forcing Cas to look him in the eyes. - “But I’m worried, Cas. I’m worried that you don’t look out for yourself, like you need to. You have to be more careful Cas, I can’t lose you” - He continued, fighting with himself, because he didn’t want to get too emotional. Although he could feel his feelings starting to wade out through the layers that were built up throughout the years of denying, hiding and repressing. He knew he couldn’t take it any longer, not when he almost lost him.  
  
Castiel didn’t answer. He kept avoiding his gaze when his lips started to shake dangerously, so Dean moved his thumb to slide it along Cas’ lower lip. It was extremely intimate and two steps beyond their unreal, imaginary limit, but he felt his heart doing several backflips when he felt Cas’ entire body shake at the touch. It felt like a pleasant electric shock to both of them.  
“You are _not_ just a tool” - Dean said, emphasizing the negation word. - “You are family. You are like a brother to Sam, he loves sitting in the library with you, discussing various books and all the other stuff you know I’m not capable of doing” - he chuckled slightly - “He loves showing you TV-series or explaining how to fry eggs and brew coffee. You are his brother and he loves you, I know it.”  
  
Cas’ eyes were finally focused on his. He didn’t shake or looked like he wanted to run away anymore. He was just standing and listening to Dean’s words. His expression was difficult to read, but Dean was used to that – after all, he was a freaking angel and if he didn’t want to show his emotions, there was no way Dean could force him to.  
“But to me Cas” – Dean breathed out, feeling his heart going crazy in his ribcage. He couldn’t chicken, not now. He needed to say this, he wanted to say this. – “You mean more, so much more. I’m not able to go anywhere without you anymore.”  
Dean smiled fondly when he leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on Cas’ forehead. And another one his right temple. And his nose. And his left temple. Left cheek, nose and right cheek. He brushed their noses together before he sighed and locked his gaze with Cas’ inhumanly blue eyes.  
“I don’t want to go anywhere without you, because I love you, Cas” – he said before he leaned in and placed his lips on Cas’ pink ones.  
  
Dean swore he could feel fireworks exploding in his stomach. His senses were going mad, everything was almost too overwhelming. Almost. The texture of Cas’ lips was nothing he had ever imagined, yet he just couldn’t taste him enough. They were chapped and a little dry, but they simultaneously felt so full and round and warm and soft against his own. Dean’s tongue slid alongside Cas’ mouth when he cupped his face with one hand and buried his other hand in those ridiculously dishevelled black hair of his. God only knew how long he wanted to do this! He knew he was growing desperate, wanting to kiss Cas senseless almost every time the angel looked at him, but he had no idea how _starved_ he really was.  
Despite the emotional explosion between them, the kiss was sweet and gentle; it was a love confession, a promise, an apology and longing all at once. Cas placed his hands on Dean’s waist, but at some point one of his hands wandered up to rest on his chest, right where Dean’s heart was beating wildly, roaring with delight. Dean realized that Cas needed assurance and he was more than happy to give himself fully in. To show Cas that he was his and only his. The bare thought made Dean feel giddy, but he enjoyed every single sensation this moment was bringing. He knew he would remember this for the rest of his life.  
  
He broke the kiss delicately, not wanting to scare Cas away, and rested his forehead against Castiel’s, who was breathing heavily and staring at him in utter disbelief.  
“You know I love you too, Dean. You are the one and only person I have ever loved” – Cas finally said in a low voice, his eyes darting around Dean’s entire face, like he was trying to read him, but nothing made sense. – “Although I do not understand why would you love me? I am not good for…” - He didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence, because Dean’s lips were on his again. Dean tried to pour his entire heart and soul into the kiss, to make sure the angel understood the weight of his feelings. He wished he could find words that could describe how important Cas was and how beautiful he was in his eyes. He frowned, because there were no words great enough to express how much he loved him, but yet again, he was always better at showing people what he felt.  
He started walking backwards towards his bedroom, dragging Cas along without breaking the kiss. Cas didn’t pull out, reject him or stayed still, but kissed back just as fervently. Dean read it as a good sign and couldn’t help but enjoy a whole flock of butterflies racing inside him. 

***

Castiel didn’t understand a single thing. It made literally no sense, yet it was happening. He expected Dean to be furious, to yell at him and tell him to go to hell and never come back; he was expecting the Winchesters to lock him in a dungeon in order to keep the world safe from his damaging uselessness; he was even prepared to die – after all, they always kept telling him that monsters needed to be eliminated. For some mysterious reason, which Castiel’s wrecked mind just couldn’t comprehend, Dean _loved_ him. He told him he loved him. And he was kissing him, patiently, sweetly and gently, like Cas was the most precious thing he had ever held in his arms. Dean’s lips were moving passionately against his own, their tongues dancing together in the same rhythm as their shadows, mirroring their heated movements on the Bunker’s solid walls. They never broke the kiss – not when they moved from the main hall towards the corridor; not when Dean’s skilled hands striped him from his trench coat, tossing it unceremoniously on the floor behind them; not even when Cas’ found himself held against the wall’s cold tiles, Dean’s solid body pressing him tight, right beside door to his bedroom. They were both trembling, feeling the mixture of fire and emotions surge through their veins, but neither of them hurried things up. They were kissing gently, letting their hands explore each other; shyly, but hungrily. The light was slightly dimmed and illuminating yellowish candle lights; the air tasted electric and even the dust laying in the corridor’s nooks and crannies felt abnormally different. It was perfectly still around them, the only sound came from their heartbeats and quiet sighs against their lips.  
  
Dean’s hand moved from Castiel’s side to his neck, slowly sliding down to unbutton his white shirt. He broke the kiss, breathing heavily and looking into Cas’ eyes to find any sign of protest, but Castiel felt himself melting at the hunter’s touch. It never occurred to him how much he wanted this. How much he _needed_ this. To be touched, kissed, caressed and loved like this. When Dean’s lips moved from Castiel’s mouth to find his neck, slowly kissing his way down to the angel’s collarbone and back behind his earlobe, Cas’ whole body shivered with pleasure. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the sensation. He felt Dean’s warm tongue and lips on his skin; he breathed the mix of Dean’s aftershave and the electric air in, letting the smell swirl inside his lungs; he heard Dean’s blood rushing in his veins, his heart beating against Castiel’s own chest and his irregular, heated breath when he sucked on a small patch of skin on the angel’s neck. A small moan escaped Cas’ mouth at this, and Dean lifted his gaze to meet his eyes before he sealed their lips back together, his left hand searching for the door handle.  
  
Once the door closed behind them, Castiel felt his shirt being removed and Dean’s lips were suddenly back on his neck. He wanted to undress Dean from his T-shirt too, but his brain short circulated and his knees weakened when Dean slid his tongue down his Adam’s Apple, causing him to moan out loudly. He didn’t know if it was a good thing or not, but before he could perceive Dean’s reaction, he felt delicate warm fingers sliding down his stomach, stopping on his hips and slowly moving to his loins and lower back, causing his whole body to shake violently. Apparently, his skin was very sensitive in this area and he couldn’t help but tremble when Dean’s fingertips skated across his skin like this. He cracked an eye open, staring weakly at Dean, who had a wolfish grin plastered to his face. Before Castiel knew what was happening, he was laying on his stomach on Dean’s bed. A few moments after he felt Dean’s naked torso pressed against his back, which was almost an overwhelming sensation, but apparently Dean had made it his mission to kill Castiel with pleasure this night.  
  
The angel arched his back when he felt Dean’s lips on the back of his neck, right below his hairline, slowly, torturously slowly moving down alongside his spine. Dean kissed and licked every inch of Castiel’s skin, unknowingly (Or maybe knowingly? Cas could never tell) brushing his tongue against the base of Cas’ wings. He could feel his black feathers jolt up with pure bliss, because this exact place was probably the most sensitive spot on his entire body, and Cas could feel Dean’s every hot breath, every tremble of his vocal cords, every patch of hot skin touching his own. It felt so dirty and exciting yet innocent and soft like Dean was caressing him with rose petals and not his hands. He could sense the hunter’s fingertips ghosting somewhere around his lower back; not quite touching, but physical enough to sense. Along with Dean’s lips kissing the base of his wings, it was driving Castiel crazy. He wanted to turn around and kiss Dean in all the right places, to repay the pleasure and watch the hunter sigh and moan in return, but the older Winchester was straddling him, holding him in place.  
  
“You’re beautiful like this, you know that?” – Dean whispered into his ear, and Cas swore he felt every single nerve under his skin burn. He cried out quietly in a weak protest when Dean’s hands left his back, searching for something in his nightstand.  
“I have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. I want to do this to you as often as I can. I want to see you like this more often.”  
Before Castiel could pull his mind together enough to answer, Dean’s sinfully talented hands were back on him, massaging his shoulder blades with strong movements. This time however, something was warming his muscles, causing his tense body to relax completely under the hunter’s touch. It wasn’t as much overstimulating as seconds before, but Cas could feel his blood rush away to the frontal part of his pants the longer Dean kept massaging him. He wasn’t sure what the man was planning to do, but he was happy to follow. Being so incredibly close to _him_ made him feel less empty. 

*** 

Dean swore he only wanted to take some tension off of Castiel’s tensed shoulders, so he could relax and fall asleep, but he could barely control himself when he heard Cas’ small desperate moans and sighs. To make the matters even worse, Cas wiggled, trembled and jolted every time massaged a new layer of balm into his skin, which caused Dean’s pants to shrink uncomfortably below his belt. How was he supposed to control himself when the full length of Castiel’s strong tanned shoulders was spread across his pillows and he was actually straddling the guy from behind?  
  
By the time finished massaging the man’s back, he let Cas turn around to face him and Dean almost forgot how to breathe. Castiel’s eyes shone with pleasure and desire for more, his pupils were blown with lust, and Dean could argue with himself that he was only imagining things if Cas didn’t pull him down for another desperate kiss. Once again, their tongues moved in unison, silently drinking promises and love confessions from each other’s lips. It was Cas’ turn to let his hands wander all around Dean’s torso for a while, but eventually, Winchester pinned his arms above their heads. He wanted to show Cas how much he loved him, _all of him_ : his mind, heart and body. He couldn’t think of any better way than marking him with his lips, pouring a part of his own soul into Castiel with every little kiss and touch.  
Dean made his way down to Cas’ chest, peppering the area where his heart was beating with kisses, letting his fingers skate across his stomach. Soon, his lips moved lower, to lick a small patch of skin beneath the angel’s ribs, earning a beautiful gasp from Castiel’s parted mouth. He locked his eyes with the man’s blues when he moved on to his stomach, marking his muscles with butterfly kisses. Dean decided that the cacophony of the angel’s weak, heated moans was his favourite song from now on.  
  
He didn’t stop at Castiel’s hips, as he told himself he should. He lost his sense of control long time ago and he couldn’t just ignore the need that was currently setting his whole body aflame. All Dean needed was a muffled cry of desperation coming out of Cas, before he striped them both out of their pants and found the lube from the drawer beside them. He lifted Cas up, placing his hips on Dean’s lap; his legs entwined around Dean’s middle. Their eyes were locked with each other, communicating without words when Dean pushed a finger inside Cas. He was expecting him to hiss in pain or at least displeasure, but the angel only jerked his hips higher, whispering Dean’s name in his low, hoarse voice.  
Dean took his time before he decided that Cas was fully open and ready; partly because he wanted to hear Castiel’s wild and shameless gasps for a little longer, partly because he wanted to be sure that he wouldn’t hurt him. He turned out to be right – Cas indeed needed a moment before he got adjusted to his cock pulsing inside him, but once they started moving together, Dean was sure the time had stopped.  
  
Dean had sex many times before, but nothing he had experienced before could be compared to this. They moved in the same steady rhythm, kissing and whispering each other’s name in the darkness of the room. They watched each other’s faces and touched each other’s chests where their hearts were beating the same love song. They could both feel the tension slowly building down in their bellies, but either of them wanted to stop or slow down. It didn’t matter. _Nothing_ really mattered in that moment, beside two pairs of eyes staring at each other, a pair of mouth sealed together and one wonderful bliss that blinded them both, leaving them breathless and _so much in love_.


End file.
